Selfishness

What I give to myself
I hand over, equally,
To you
Along with a smile,
The platter with my soul,
The glassful of all my joys.

What I deny myself,
I still give
To you.

Don’t mind the holes
In my faded jeans.
Don’t worry about the rainwater
That seeps into the soles of
These old boots that still
Serve me well enough.
Don’t give a thought
To the doctor’s appointments
I deliberately miss,
Or the little treats I love
But can live without.

What I give to you
I give to myself
In one way or another.

Don’t think it sacrifice,
This selfish self-denial
That is designed to keep
You with me
Even just another second more.

That second is eternity
And I hunger for nothing more
Than you, with me,
Accepting everything I give
And shining your smile
That eclipses mine.

I have ever been the moon
To your sun,
The blanket of dark
To your starlight,
The drought slaked
By your welling love.

This is no sacrifice, darling.
I give to you first
In small acts of self-preservation:
Who am I without you?
What am I
If not what I am to you?

Your joy multiplies mine
Millions, billions of times,
Magnifies my little acts of goodness
So I don’t see the dark corners
Illuminated by your mere presence.

When I love you, you see,
I am selfish about things:
I see the treasure of your life
Combed by my hands
Over and again
Much like a dragon
Runs greedy claws
Over the hoard
Upon which her power rests.

Quiet down now.
Do not protest.
Let me love you
The way I need to.